Forget not, Forgive much

April 1994- Kigali, Rwanda. This was not the beginning but instead the climax of what had already begun years before. 100 days. 1,000,000 lives. 1 unforgettable Genocide. Torture. Rape. Kill for some. For others it was Run. Hide. Survive. Evil working overtime and at its best. Sickness of the mind, spirit and heart led to the cruel acts of the genocide of Rwanda. This was a process not a spontaneous quick act. I have studied briefly the history of this tragic event in high school. 

But reading a textbook or watching a documentary isn't exactly the same as walking the roads where people once laid piled one on top of another. It isn't the same as stepping foot inside a church that is completely covered in stacks of clothes. You see it was here 15 years ago that men, women, and children ran for safety as they had before in past scares but instead met the perpetrators who killed them by the 1,000s. These dirty, blood soaked, wrinkled clothes of all shapes and sizes are of clothes of innocent people. Their bones are not far away, stacked neatly in piles in mass graves outside the church and down below ground level. The scent isn't pleasant. The feelings disturbing. Their skulls are cracked open from the machetes, clubs, and bullets. The blood stains on one brick wall mark the awful remains of the pain felt by the babies that were thrown up against it inside while the mothers and fathers and siblings watched. 

It was almost too much to handle. You see, what I felt today and saw with my own eyes I cannot share with you completely. Some things can only be understood through experience. The stories of the survivors here are incredible. Their scars speak louder than their words ever will. 

Today Rwanda is a peaceful place. Progress has taken place, more than any Rwandan ever could imagine. One ethnic group is living next to the other peacefully just a short 15 years later. Discrimination has stopped. Praise God for working in this nation already. Praise God for the reconciliation and forgiveness that is already taking place. 

But the Rwandan people still have such a long way to go. They keep their distance. Trust no one. Doubt everything. This is what you are taught. Everyone's story is different. Maybe yesterday at the grocery store you ran into the man who killed your entire family. Maybe you found an extended relative alive finally after having raised yourself as an orphan over the last 15 years. Maybe you are accepting the guilt of your killing and are trying to forgive yourself so that you can look your neighbor in the eye again. Maybe you helped hide and feed refugees while risking your own very life. You see, everyone 15 years old or older in Rwanda today has a story. Although they might be horror stories, they all end with their survival and the hope of restoring this nation together. The needs here are many. The orphans are great. The family structure is unstable. The trust is small. The faith is weak. But the harvest is plentiful and the workers are many!! Praise God for this opportunity. The memories are terror and the hearts are scarred. But the soul is yearning and thirsty for something more, for hope everlasting. 

Shocked. Upset. Angry. Frustrated. Confused. I have never had such an emotionally draining day as I have today. I pray that I will never forget what I have heard or seen. I pray that God will bless this nation and will help them restore themselves to be a peaceful nation that glorifies God. Pray for this nation. Pray for the emotionally scarred, spiritually crushed, psychologically hurt Rwandans. The past is to be remembered but no dwelled upon. For tomorrow holds a new day that can be as different from yesterday and today as you want it to be. I am excited to see how God will work with these broken people in the days and years to come. For when you are weak, your Father is strong. 

Following the Unknown Path of God's Will

You know God works in crazy ways. He has a way of changing our plans, our paths, even our desires in order to further His kingdom. Some people spend their entire lives trying to fit God into their big plans. You have interest and passions and somehow you think God will be able to just slide right into your groove and life will be great. Think again my friend. For God's ways are higher than our ways. The plans and will of God for our lives do not have to make sense to us. We do not have to understand why our Heavenly Father is calling us to do something or go somewhere at that time. Everything will be made clear in due time, in His time and when it happens, we will realize just how faithful God is! 

Of course, we trust God. Right? He is our Creator, right? He did create each and every one of us uniquely and specifically to serve in this world and to glorify Him with the talents, desires, and strengths and weaknesses we have. God cares so much about His children. Every need He not only knows but He will provide for. Physically- yes. Spiritually- you better believe it. Emotionally- no way, really? yes! If I give my life over to God, fully surrender my wants and goals and wishes and expectations and let God take the wheel, I will be astonished at not only how great the destination I arrive at is but also be blown away by the incredible journey!! 

God has a way of surprising us. I love surprises. There is something about a surprise that says, "I love you and care about you. I hid something special from you only long enough to allow you to fully appreciate the gift I have prepared for you. I want to see that shock factor. I want to knock you off your feet." I think on top of that God's surprising plans for our lives say,  "I want the unexpected and wonderful plans I have for you to be one more testimony as to My power and grace and faithfulness. You wanted bread today I know and I want to surprise you with cake instead tomorrow. Trust in Me and I will rock your world like you won't believe. Put My will first and you will never regret a day of your life. Live for Me and I will make your life on earth more abundant and blessed than you could ever fathom." 

Mbarara was wonderful. The rural living I saw was totally different than the Kampala and I was able to spend the night in the middle of nowhere Africa :) along with Heidi basically in a rural village with a sweet family. The man is 60 years old, outlived his first 2 wives, and his third wife is pregnant with his 12 child at the moment! We were able to drink chai, eat matoke, visit the village people, fetch water at the crack of dawn down a dirt road twice carrying the container on a big stick held between Heidi and myself. That was a hoot. We washed dishes outside, cut down banana tree leaves, helped cut matoke, planted trees, and helped cut meat (yuck). It was an incredible experience. I loved every minute of it. The missionaries here are wonderful,  a lot of fun, and have large families. I am so glad we stayed here.

We stopped in Kabale, Uganda on our way to Kigali, Rwanda. It was absolutely beautiful. Now we are in Rwanda and the missionaries here are fantastic. Today has been a very eye opening and heart tugging day. God is working on me a lot right now. I have no idea what He is doing but it is exciting!! We are staying in Rwanda surveying until Monday. I will write more in the days to come. 

I love you all and hope all is well! God bless you!