Home is a Relative Term

I am finally home from beautiful, wonderful Africa...for now :) I had an amazing time. The relationships I formed with the missionaries in every city in Uganda and Rwanda, the native people, and with all of my fellow interns are forever impressed on my heart. Through the opportunities I was given to lead, serve, follow, and learn I grew so much! The challenges of a 3rd world culture allowed me to see how flexible God made me and how much more I can do through Him than I thought. I learned a lot about myself and working with people of very similar and also very different personalities than me. I wrote a journal during my internship, separate from this blog, which I will forever hold close to my heart. I was not ready to leave, but God simply planted a seed of passion for the African people that will blossom when He is ready for me to go back. For now, more one year of undergrad at Harding. Then, God only knows the rest of my plans. Thanks for following my journey! Until I return again, see you later Africa!

Forget not, Forgive much

April 1994- Kigali, Rwanda. This was not the beginning but instead the climax of what had already begun years before. 100 days. 1,000,000 lives. 1 unforgettable Genocide. Torture. Rape. Kill for some. For others it was Run. Hide. Survive. Evil working overtime and at its best. Sickness of the mind, spirit and heart led to the cruel acts of the genocide of Rwanda. This was a process not a spontaneous quick act. I have studied briefly the history of this tragic event in high school. 

But reading a textbook or watching a documentary isn't exactly the same as walking the roads where people once laid piled one on top of another. It isn't the same as stepping foot inside a church that is completely covered in stacks of clothes. You see it was here 15 years ago that men, women, and children ran for safety as they had before in past scares but instead met the perpetrators who killed them by the 1,000s. These dirty, blood soaked, wrinkled clothes of all shapes and sizes are of clothes of innocent people. Their bones are not far away, stacked neatly in piles in mass graves outside the church and down below ground level. The scent isn't pleasant. The feelings disturbing. Their skulls are cracked open from the machetes, clubs, and bullets. The blood stains on one brick wall mark the awful remains of the pain felt by the babies that were thrown up against it inside while the mothers and fathers and siblings watched. 

It was almost too much to handle. You see, what I felt today and saw with my own eyes I cannot share with you completely. Some things can only be understood through experience. The stories of the survivors here are incredible. Their scars speak louder than their words ever will. 

Today Rwanda is a peaceful place. Progress has taken place, more than any Rwandan ever could imagine. One ethnic group is living next to the other peacefully just a short 15 years later. Discrimination has stopped. Praise God for working in this nation already. Praise God for the reconciliation and forgiveness that is already taking place. 

But the Rwandan people still have such a long way to go. They keep their distance. Trust no one. Doubt everything. This is what you are taught. Everyone's story is different. Maybe yesterday at the grocery store you ran into the man who killed your entire family. Maybe you found an extended relative alive finally after having raised yourself as an orphan over the last 15 years. Maybe you are accepting the guilt of your killing and are trying to forgive yourself so that you can look your neighbor in the eye again. Maybe you helped hide and feed refugees while risking your own very life. You see, everyone 15 years old or older in Rwanda today has a story. Although they might be horror stories, they all end with their survival and the hope of restoring this nation together. The needs here are many. The orphans are great. The family structure is unstable. The trust is small. The faith is weak. But the harvest is plentiful and the workers are many!! Praise God for this opportunity. The memories are terror and the hearts are scarred. But the soul is yearning and thirsty for something more, for hope everlasting. 

Shocked. Upset. Angry. Frustrated. Confused. I have never had such an emotionally draining day as I have today. I pray that I will never forget what I have heard or seen. I pray that God will bless this nation and will help them restore themselves to be a peaceful nation that glorifies God. Pray for this nation. Pray for the emotionally scarred, spiritually crushed, psychologically hurt Rwandans. The past is to be remembered but no dwelled upon. For tomorrow holds a new day that can be as different from yesterday and today as you want it to be. I am excited to see how God will work with these broken people in the days and years to come. For when you are weak, your Father is strong. 

Following the Unknown Path of God's Will

You know God works in crazy ways. He has a way of changing our plans, our paths, even our desires in order to further His kingdom. Some people spend their entire lives trying to fit God into their big plans. You have interest and passions and somehow you think God will be able to just slide right into your groove and life will be great. Think again my friend. For God's ways are higher than our ways. The plans and will of God for our lives do not have to make sense to us. We do not have to understand why our Heavenly Father is calling us to do something or go somewhere at that time. Everything will be made clear in due time, in His time and when it happens, we will realize just how faithful God is! 

Of course, we trust God. Right? He is our Creator, right? He did create each and every one of us uniquely and specifically to serve in this world and to glorify Him with the talents, desires, and strengths and weaknesses we have. God cares so much about His children. Every need He not only knows but He will provide for. Physically- yes. Spiritually- you better believe it. Emotionally- no way, really? yes! If I give my life over to God, fully surrender my wants and goals and wishes and expectations and let God take the wheel, I will be astonished at not only how great the destination I arrive at is but also be blown away by the incredible journey!! 

God has a way of surprising us. I love surprises. There is something about a surprise that says, "I love you and care about you. I hid something special from you only long enough to allow you to fully appreciate the gift I have prepared for you. I want to see that shock factor. I want to knock you off your feet." I think on top of that God's surprising plans for our lives say,  "I want the unexpected and wonderful plans I have for you to be one more testimony as to My power and grace and faithfulness. You wanted bread today I know and I want to surprise you with cake instead tomorrow. Trust in Me and I will rock your world like you won't believe. Put My will first and you will never regret a day of your life. Live for Me and I will make your life on earth more abundant and blessed than you could ever fathom." 

Mbarara was wonderful. The rural living I saw was totally different than the Kampala and I was able to spend the night in the middle of nowhere Africa :) along with Heidi basically in a rural village with a sweet family. The man is 60 years old, outlived his first 2 wives, and his third wife is pregnant with his 12 child at the moment! We were able to drink chai, eat matoke, visit the village people, fetch water at the crack of dawn down a dirt road twice carrying the container on a big stick held between Heidi and myself. That was a hoot. We washed dishes outside, cut down banana tree leaves, helped cut matoke, planted trees, and helped cut meat (yuck). It was an incredible experience. I loved every minute of it. The missionaries here are wonderful,  a lot of fun, and have large families. I am so glad we stayed here.

We stopped in Kabale, Uganda on our way to Kigali, Rwanda. It was absolutely beautiful. Now we are in Rwanda and the missionaries here are fantastic. Today has been a very eye opening and heart tugging day. God is working on me a lot right now. I have no idea what He is doing but it is exciting!! We are staying in Rwanda surveying until Monday. I will write more in the days to come. 

I love you all and hope all is well! God bless you!

Condition of the Heart

Tonight is my last night to spend in Kampala, well at least for this internship. :) I have my bag, (please make note- BAG as in singular. uno. 1.) packed and I am trying to prepare myself mentally for tomorrow's transition. The routine of Kampala ministries has come to a close with our last school visit today. Tomorrow is the beginning of a 6-7 hour roadtrip to Mbarara which will be interesting since we were informed the entire drive is extremely rough with a large amount of potholes. I do not know how else to describe African potholes other than asking you to imagine what a road would look like if small craters had harshly pelted the roads in a way that makes your drive seem to move more like a snake slithering across the desert than a car driving in a linear motion on a flat road. Side by side, zig-zag. Now that you have that visual I can move on.
Mark Berryman flew in last night and arrived to Kampala today. He is staying tonight with us before he takes all six of us interns to Mbarara and then on to Rwanda. I am excited to see what is to come. Yet I hate saying goodbye to those new friends I have here in Kampala. The big city has been an experience for sure but it will be nice to now see the more rural side of Uganda in the villages. I look forward to meeting and spending time with more missionaries and finding out the spiritual, emotional and physical needs of the natives there in order to open my eyes and heart for opportunities that might be laid out for me with whatever God-given abilities He has given me to use for His Kingdom. When, not if, I see the needs and see how my God-given abilities can be used to meet those needs in order to bring others to Christ, this is when and where I will know God is calling me to work for Him there.
My perspective on stages of life and changes is a pretty wonderful way to approach things :) I almost always am someone that loved yesterday, am enjoying today, and am looking forward to tomorrow just as much. I try to not live in the past or focus on it too much, and I try to not live only for what is to come. Instead I tend to always be satisfied that I have experienced what I have, am, and will experience. This doesn't make goodbyes easier by any means but it does make change and transitions in my life a lot easier to handle. So with that said, the last 3 weeks have been wonderful and I could totally stay longer. But the next 2 1/2 weeks of survey will be great as well and I am thankful for the opportunity to see such a variety of places while being here!
I have come down with a heart condition while being here. It is kind of serious. It is what I like to call a swelling of the heart :) I have such a full heart right now. I feel as though it is almost swelling with joy and love that I have received from the Ugandans. The brothers and sisters at the congregation here have been very encouraging. Sheeba is someone I really could see myself working hand in hand with in counseling here. I hope to cross paths again with her. There are many others I do not have the time to mention. But then what really has made my heart swell the most are the children. Wherever we go, whatever we do, they yell for our attention, our smiles, our waves, and what I love most, our hugs and affection. They do not know you. They do not care. They run to you with arms wide open and when I pick them up and hold them, my world stops. I never want to put them down. My Creator is so incredible. I just do not understand how someone can hold a baby or hug a child and not see God. Being a mom one day is going to be so much fun :). Swollen heart syndrome, I think that is a condition of the soul I am willing to live with.
For the prayer warriors out there:
Please pray for the work being done for God here in Kampala, in Uganda, and all over Africa. Pray that God will soften people's hearts and that they will accept His gift of salvation and plans for their lives. Pray that God will soften His disciple's hearts to submit their will to Him and follow Him wherever to do whatever He needs to be done for His Kingdom. Pray for me as I continue on this spiritual journey.
Love you all

DISCLAIMER: Since being here, Mandy has cooked in the kitchen and had speechless moments...

I am alive and well. And if you noticed from the title...I actually have spent some time in the kitchen with Darla :)(mama be proud) I have not had internet since my last blog other than one day when I was traveling in Jinja. So sorry for the delay in blogging. I have been journaling regularly though and as I flip through the last 13 days, I do not know even where to start. My first half of my internship is coming to a close as Thursday morning I leave for Mbarara, Uganda before heading down to Rwanda for almost a week. I have no idea how the internet connection will be for the next and last half of my journey so please don't worry if I do not blog much or at all. Consider it a treat if you do hear from me!

The last couple weeks include so many things. I have visited the slums, visited schools (one which Fred introduced me to speak unexpectedly in front of about 200 kids), visited nurseries and babies homes, went to a Ugandan Rugby game (which was so legit!), met many missionaries that have come through town and stayed with us, participated in a few different kinds of bible studies with church members, rafted the Nile River in Jinja, Uganda which was level 5 rapids (olympic style :)), visited a facility for disabled children in need of physical therapy (Jake you would love this place!), and I spent the night by myself with Rebecca, a member of the church.

The experiences I have had, the things I have seen, felt, heard, and even smelt I do not know how to share with you. My pictures won't do justice. My words won't make the cut. I mean how can I really describe what it's like to hug a child and feel his bare skin through the big holes in his shirt, or to cross paths with an elderly woman in the traditional Ugandan dress that has worked so many hard years bent over that from her waist up she is almost completely horizontal, unable to sit or stand upright at all. How do I convey to you the feelings I had as I saw kids standing on top of a huge pile of trash, covered in dirt, eating and drinking whatever they could find left in a bottle or package. Or what about the awful smells of the slums that make your face distort even when you try to keep yourself composed. It is here that you must carefully watch your step as you follow the river of sewage that marks the path through the side by side rows of shacks that people live in and work from in this big city. Or the feeling of holding a precious crippled toddler with deformed eyes as she smiles at me and sings songs for Jesus and not wanting to ever have to let go. I will never forget having to walk away from her as she yelled, "Bye mzungu! (white person) See you!" Or what about sitting on the hard floor of Rebecca's house as I helped her cook dinner that we ate at 11:30 pm in her living room since she doesn't have a kitchen. How do I describe? How will I ever be able to explain? I simply cannot. Everything that I truly wish I could show you are not even in my pictures. There are only certain times I find it appropriate to pull out my camera and take pictures of my surroundings. I already stand out and the last thing I want to do is disrespect anyone by taking their picture or one of their "home." The pictures I have are really the tip of the ice burg. They do not truly convey the extent of what we have seen. Everything I have really wanted to take I haven't been able to do so. The pictures I have are simply the ordinary common activities and scenes of Kampala, Uganda.

There are two women missionaries that haved stayed the last two nights here at Darla's. At dinner tonight I asked a ton of questions and we ended up talking for almost 3 hours. I loved every minute. I really have been learning so much from the missionaries here and even from the visiting missionaries that come through for a few days. It is wonderful.

My experiences here have definitely gone through the "honeymoon" stage (everything is beautiful and wonderful) to the "culture shock" stage (annoyed, frustrated, confused) to now the comfortable stage of understanding and coming to grips with certain aspects of the culture. It has been really interesting.

This entire blog has been written in a rush and for that, I apologize. Hopefully my next will be better thought out. I love and miss you all. Please continue to keep my in your prayers.

Arachnophobia in Africa

Hello hello! Stolochi! That means “What’s up?” in Luganda. I am enjoying our low key day today. We have been going non-stop so the Darla and everyone decided we should rest in the morning and go to town just for the afternoon. It has been nice.

Yesterday was quite the adventure I must say. Mondays are like Saturday for the church leaders here. A day off. But for us interns it was a day trip into town for craft shopping and then to Entebbe for the Zoo. Fred, one of the church staff members is awesome. He makes friends with everyone everywhere and when we saw how expensive the zoo was for us all, Fred began to work his magic. Thirty minutes later, we all enter the zoo for basically the price of 1 ½ people…instead of 8. It was at that moment I taught Fred the slang term, “You da man!” Because he was and I wanted him to know that. 

We were hungry and Peter decided to walk us to the hostel that was actually inside the zoo property. It was interesting. He talked with the women in the kitchen and asked if they would cook us lunch. So they did but we went and toured half the zoo before coming back for rice, matoke, yams (I didn’t eat them), soup and g-nut sauce. The path to and from this hostel had a couple huge spider webs and that meant huge spiders. I was a little nervous the first time walking by, a little more the second time. But I made it. I am not a fan of spiders, especially when you are in the brush of Africa. 

After lunch Fred decided to take us the back way to back into the zoo. He asked us if we wanted to go through the forest trail. I love hiking and told him as long as there wasn’t anymore spiders I was down for that. So we were walking on this sketch small, small path in the middle of this African forest. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. The trail was like Spider Town and it was ridiculous. Everywhere I looked I saw another huge web and then of course would spot the huge spider on it. I began to get tense. These webs might I add were not far off in the distance, or behind glass on display. Most zoo visitors probably never knew these paths existed to even walk these particular trails. It is not part of the zoo tour. This was crazy Fred’s jungle adventure. These spiders were just chilling in their webs probably waiting for their next prey to get in their web. We were having to watch our step and head not to bump into some  of them. The farther into the woods we went, the more spiders I saw. The more I looked up, the more I saw. Ya’ll I began to revert back to the mentality of a six year old. My breath was getting short, my heart was pounding, my eyes were watering. I couldn’t help but think the worst. You know, "These spiders were deadly poisonous, they were going to attack me, I was going to die…" you know the irrationally thinking the female mind goes through occasionally. And I was. It finally became too much. I was hyperventilating and began sort of, just a little bit crying. It ‘s not like me but I’m telling you, it was insane. I felt like I was on a Fear Factor TV show or something. So my Uganda friends, Aurora and Natasha walked me through the rest of the way. When it would get to an area more populated with spiders they would tell me to just keep looking down and guided me quickly through. I finally made it through and other than Heidi, in front of me and not scared at all might I add, the rest of the group didn’t have to experience this breakdown I had in the back of the line.

We began to see the rest of the zoo animals. It was great. The chimpanzees and zebras and huge snakes and rhino were all so much fun to see. On one path, monkeys were just all chilling in the middle of the road!! Not behind the fences or walls. Just in nature! Hannah and I were flipping out in excitement. We got up close and within arms reach of them. But we weren’t supposed to touch them since we didn’t know what kind of disease they potentially could be carrying. But I got great pictures with them! There was a mamma with her baby! It was adorable. Then the father joined for a family portrait and I really appreciated that! Fred took us off-roading again for one last adventure through deep brush to see the beach of lake Victoria. The grass was taller than me and the flying bugs at the zoo are in such dense clouds you have to squint and close your mouth unless you are ready for a snack. It was crazy. So we tried to run fast to keep up with survivor man Fred and I was laughing nervously hoping no snake was going to jump out. By the time I made it out I was laughing hard. I looked up and was ready to sigh in relief but instead found myself startled at the sight of this huge black feathered, pink necked ostrich that was looking right at me and was about five feet away. I screamed and threw myself against a fence where I almost fell to the ground. Fred didn’t warn us about the monster that was to greet us on the other side of the grass. Of course there was a very high fence between the creature and I but upon first coming onto it, the only thing I saw was Big Bird staring right at me. 

It was such an eventful day. We finally made it home after enjoying another night on the Boda bodas. Jamie made us all Thai food and it was great.  

 

Well, to make the long story short. The zoo was great, I didn’t get bit by a spider or attacked by an ostrich.  Just have the great scary memories to remember. For all of you that are emailing or FB messaging me, I am receiving them. I love you all and miss you. Feel free to keep writing. I would love to hear from you. Thanks!

Luganda prayers + Bugandan hearts = humbled mandy

Saturday is actually the busiest day of the week for the missionaries. We went into town to the BLRC (Better Life Resource Center/church building) for our 2nd language lesson, then a Ladies Community Life Care Group which is simply a bible study. It was very neat to hear songs in Luganda and the exchange of ideas and thoughts from the scriptures we read as well as hearing a prayer in Luganda. It’s a beautiful language. I loved being a part of that bible study. Next was the Leadership Team meeting. It was really another bible study. The church leaders discussed Ephesians 1-2 and went over discussion questions which next week each leader will ask their particular life care group. I was able to sit in and listen and participate. Incredible. The wisdom and knowledge and spirituality of the Ugandan leaders was very humbling. I really gained so much respect for them in the 2 hour bible study we had together. The interns and some of the youth went for a stroll around town and enjoyed ourselves. Once back home to Darla’s, what started as a small talk conversation around 10 pm turned into a 3 hour deep and heart felt share time between Darla and I. We called it a night after 1 am. Darla and I click really well and we shared a lot and I was able to hear more of her story and how she got to be on the mission field and different struggles we have had or have right now. It was just what I needed and God knew that.

Today was our first Sunday and I was pumped to experience worship. It was outside but under a covering next to the building in order to hold all the members. Once the children were dismissed to bible class, Heidi, Hannah, and I went with them to help out. The kids in my room didn’t all speak the same language. Some English, some Luganda, and the refugee kids from Congo spoke both French and Swahili. It was interesting. But they were all so sweet. Tonight we came back up to the church for the Singles ministry bible study. We sang in Luganda and English. I passed out chai lattes and bread, which I must add that a Ugandan named Steve leaned over to Heidi and said, "Tell mandy when you get home that one day she will make a good wife." When Heidi told me this I laughed out loud. You all probably are as well. I finally get a witness for doing a "homemaker" thing and get a compliment to go along. I'm not going to lie that probably was the first I've heard it be said in reference to my homemaker skills. Ha- thanks Steve! Back to the bible study, we shared what important things we had on our hearts regarding the scripture we read or thoughts we have. It also lasted over 2 hours. They people here are not in on a set rigid schedule. There is not a time limit to any event. You stay till you have accomplished all you wanted to accomplish. It is amazing to see how important God and faith are to the Uganda people.

Today was the first day I walked around town and to and from the taxi park without being nervous or like a deer in the headlights. I am starting to adjust to certain aspects that were hard the first few days. There are people I am meeting here that I already know will be hard to part with. I just want to take Sheeba, Seth, Peter, Francis, and a few others back to the States with me. Too bad I didn't bring my usual huge suitcases cuz I am sure they all would fit inside. They have already impacted me with their walks of faith and gentle spirits from the few shorts days I have been here.

Final story to end with. I meant to mention it last time but the other day when I was out with Darla and Fred we stopped to eat at this little shed..really.. for chicken and chips. The chips are actually Irish potatoes and very good. I tried to tell the lady "The chicken was very good." Instead what came out was, "The chicken is alive and well." Haha! She laughed hard and knew I didn't mean it. She appreciated me trying though and took no offense. It was the thought that counts right?

Anyway, it is getting late now and I must call it a day.

Love you all,

me